Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
