it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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