He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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