this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
