I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
