he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
