I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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