Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
