apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
