so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
