Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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