Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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