I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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