So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
