i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
