could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
