its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fill condoms, not promises.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
