I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
