I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
