i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
