I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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