I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
