you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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