I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
