She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
