this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
