I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
