In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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