Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
