I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dignity is for republicans.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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