I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
