Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
