remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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