he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
