we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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