So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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