I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
