Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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