I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
