if i can run in heels then i can drive
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
