she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
