he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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