I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
