I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
