The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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