Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
