and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
