Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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