i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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