Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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