At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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