I just threw up on my dentist
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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