hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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