When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
